The Uncomfortable Truth About the Only Way to Minimize Criticism (Even If You Pretend It Doesn’t Bug You)

On November 13, 2014, I got cut from my high school basketball team.

It was also my 16th birthday.

I already struggled a lot with self esteem and having stable mental health.

But losing the thing I wanted most broke me.

So after months of fighting with my parents (and a brief stint in a psych ward)…

I changed schools for my Grade 12 year.

That summer I had one goal: to win the provincial championship so I could prove everyone wrong.

I got up at 5:30 AM every day in the summer to train, spent countless hours in the weight room, and watched as much basketball as I could. At my new school, I made the team, started the entire year (being named a Grade 12 All-Star) and helped us get a good spot in the playoffs. Who did we get in the first round of the playoffs?

The team that cut me the year prior.

For a week leading up to that game I didn’t sleep.

All I could think about was what would happen and the emotions that came with it. The day before the game I saw my counsellor and we did this visualization exercise to help reduce my stress. It helped relax me a large amount.

And then I proceeded to play some of the worst basketball in my life.

I started the game 0/11 shooting from three (for you non-basketball fans out there, 0% is terrible), was missing shots I normally hit, and then starting forcing up shots I shouldn’t have taken. We were down a lot heading into the fourth quarter, made a huge comeback, and forced double overtime.

In the overtime periods I hit back-to-back threes, helping us finally pull away and win.

It’s funny: For a couple years after that game, if I ever ran into someone from my old school they all said the same thing: “Man you played so well in that game. You were super locked in.” (Again, shooting 2/13 from anywhere that isn’t your own side of the court is bad.) This kept happening as I ran into them more and more until it finally dawned on me.

Nobody gives a s**t if you win.

If the process is messy but you end up winning, everyone will come away talking about how they knew you were destined for greatness. Everyone loves a winner, and they’re willing to forget the bumps along the way if you end up coming out on top.

Winning cures all.

Nobody remembers Kobe’s 4 airballs in a ‘97 playoff game because he won 5 rings.

Here’s the lesson: if criticism bothers you, you need to be willing to stick it out long enough to see the benefits of your work. Even if your parents or family or girlfriend don’t believe in you, you need to be willing to endure the hard parts if you believe in the path you’re on. Those shots I kept missing in regulation eventually went in during the first and second overtime. I just needed to keep shooting and stop forcing things that weren’t there.

I know this isn’t fair.

But it’s the truth.

Society rewards winners.

And they forget everything else that led up to it.